she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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