I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
