Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
