I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
