Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize