Who did Billy Mays play for?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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