im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
