When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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