Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
