Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
