i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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