Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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