i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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