DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
