I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
