So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude i'm inner monologue high
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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