will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
