I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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