she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
