Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
