absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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