I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
