If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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