Quick, to the slutcave!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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