i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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