Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize