Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
