My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
