FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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