i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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