The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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