All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize