I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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