Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
