If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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