Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
