oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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