McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
