the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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