32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I die, sorry about rent.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
