Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
