I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
