I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
