We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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