Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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