Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
