I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
