see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
