I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
