She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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