Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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