Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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