Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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