Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
