Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
